MyFinal *twenty5* ...farewell

18th February 2005

the thing about me is i always get melodramatic when it comes to change, saying goodBye, leaving or just plainLy goingSomePalace else or b someOne else...

do not know why but i have to b sad n cry when things change....even if its a good thing.....
yesterday on the news a single mom of 6 (or more) children..had to give away her children to welfare cause she couldn't take care of them anymore...so when the part she brought them to the van...n giving her last hugs to them...it just came naturally....i cried....i couldn't imagine what the mom is thinkin at that moment...or how is she going to go thru this....the rest of her days...without her reason to live?.....

these past few days..been horny, hyper, upset, depressed n most of all downWayDown there....n i don't know why....can't put my finger on which reason to put the blame on....

i roundUp the usual reasons :

1) i'm fat...n the society i'm livin in still judges that as a disadvantage..no matter how succesful, nice or honest u r

2) i'm sick....it controls my mood, the way i think, i behave n the way i fume myself up over little petty things...

3) i'm lost....been havin this blank feeling in my heart n in my brains....like no reason to live to breath to feel...no power to believe, conceive or even deceive...just that blank feeling in me...

4) i'm loneLy....i have no one specific person to crave for....specificLy misses me...or specificLy want to b wit me....just bein that "other" person, just a sister he never had, just to accompany, just frends....

5) i'm a bitch...i get confuse over things i'm sure of its origin...i get crazy over things i hate so much....i let go of things worthWhile... then i holdOn to things that of which..has no future...

6) i'm just a gurl...i still need to be yelled..i still need that lecture...i can never get enough of this attention...i can never run from this intention...after all...its my muse...its all i got...'

maybe what's been buggin me lately...is the fact that i'm turning 26...another stepping year before i'm 30....
n i can't help but feel like it was only yesterday that i was being so hyped out turning 20!!...(aish! how times fly)

neways...tommorrow's another day....a superday..i'll have fun, i'll be happier than today..i promise..i'll find things to make me content...i'll lay n watch tv till i dozeOff...i'll do my laundry even if it all turns pink...i'll live like any other day...

(if i'm given another day of course....)

or like 2Phat says...

"if i die tonite...u know it'll b alrite...just smile for me..."

farewell (twenty5)

10.40am.